“Nothing is given to man on earth - struggle is built into the nature of life, and conflict is possible - the hero is the man who lets no obstacle prevent him from pursuing the values he has chosen.”
~Andrew Bernstein~
I am a fairly easy going and laid back person...and I strive to maintain a positive attitude and demeanor in all of my interactions with people. At times, I fail, and when I do, I always find myself ruminating over the situation to try and pinpoint exactly where I went wrong...which one of my many shortcomings was in play when the situation became difficult? Sometimes I figure it out, usually I find it somewhere between the 12th Tradition of AA and P. 449 of the Big Book.
Over the past few weeks, I have found myself struggling with the "Principles Before Personalities" (12th Tradition) concept. People have often heard me say that my philosophy is that we all need to believe in the best intentions of others. I find that, when I am unable to live this idea myself, I become irritable, angry, defensive, and anxious. Lately, I have found myself in that place. Instead of looking for good intention in everyone that I deal with, I begin conversations and interactions wondering what the other person's "angle" will be, and what agenda they are really seeking to serve. The problem for me lies in the fact that I have actually stumbled upon some folks recently that have turned out to be people that were, in fact, guided by selfish and not so pure motives. I completely understand that I should not base my world view on the actions of a handful of individuals, but I have never really gotten the hang of how to keep faith and trust in the goodness of people alive in a world that so often does not seem to support it.
Some people just suck, I think...
...which brings me back to the old page 449 - the most well worn page in my 3rd Edition copy of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes..."
This is such a powerful reading for me. It explains every single negative thought, feeling, and emotion that happens inside of me. It's easy to accept the good stuff. I have no problem accepting nice, honest people or peaceful, pleasant situations. But when I encounter rude, pushy, arrogant, selfish, know-it-all types that are speaking to me or behaving in a condescening or self righteous way, it is SO much harder to get to the place I need to be to find my serenity. I suppose the real peace lies, not in the acceptance of another individual's disrespect, but in the acceptance of my own powerlessness to change any person's behavior or attitude but my own and the acknowledgement of the responsibility that I have in my own recovery and for my own happiness.
There will always be people in the world that do not act from their very best intention...but by placing principles before personalities and encountering every person I meet as though they are, I am able to limit the negativity that threatens to prevent my own best intention from shining through.
God, grant me the serenity...
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