There are many ways up the mountain, but each of us must choose a practice that feels true to his own heart.
- Jack Kornfield
This month, I will celebrate 10 years in recovery from my addiction to copious amounts of any drug, drink, activity, or person that can change the way I feel and take away the anxieties, insecurities, and other demons that keep me company on a regular basis. It's a milestone for sure. The road has not been particularly straight, smooth, or even paved in places. I've taken a few wrong turns and I've fallen face first into a couple of potholes along the way. I must say, I have become somewhat proficient at getting up, doctoring up the road rash on my face, and mustering the strength to keep walking...giving a little more careful attention to where I am putting my feet, and the position of the sun.
This week, my employer has been hosting a training workshop for aspiring interventionists - and part of the event has been a morning 12 step meeting each day - operating in the tradition and format laid out by Alcoholics Anonymous. I attended all but one meeting and found the experience, strength, and hope in the room each and every morning to be nothing short of inspiring and took something profound and life giving away from each and every gathering.
And here is where I come out of the closet:
This evening, I met up with part of the group for some ice cream and conversation. The conversation turned to meetings and the like and someone asked me how often I go to local meetings. Without a beat, I said "Well, you know...I go to an occasional meeting - but I'm not really a die hard meeting girl." Needless to say, in a crowd of folks in various stages of recovery, I got some interesting looks.
(Oh, wait...did you think I meant a different closet???)
This evening, I met up with part of the group for some ice cream and conversation. The conversation turned to meetings and the like and someone asked me how often I go to local meetings. Without a beat, I said "Well, you know...I go to an occasional meeting - but I'm not really a die hard meeting girl." Needless to say, in a crowd of folks in various stages of recovery, I got some interesting looks.
(Oh, wait...did you think I meant a different closet???)
What??? You don't go to meetings??? What kind of recovery person are you???
So perhaps I should explain further.
It is my belief that there are as many paths to recovery as there are people that need them - and that, while there is a wide range of diversity and compatibility, they all share some very fundamental similarities - recognizing that what we are doing is destroying us and the people we love...finding faith and relationship in a loving and guiding being or energy that is bigger that what we call self...acceptance and letting go...honest examination of the things that cause suffering in our lives and really seeking to know what role we play in creating and prolonging that suffering...and then owning them...taking responsibility for them...and finding freedom from them by making amends where we can, and practicing new ways of thinking and behaving so that our actions/reactions can be different the next time...and, finally, taking advantage of opportunities to share the things we learn along the way with others who may find hope and strength and peace in our experiences.
Sound familiar? Of course it does...whether you are in (INSERT ADDICTION HERE) Anonymous, or influenced deeply by Eastern philosophies, or a devoutly religious person devoted to any number of versions of God, or an atheist or agnostic who is simply committed to this kind of way of living - and even if you somehow fit all of these...of course it sounds familiar.
Of all of the paths that I believe in...the ones I do not believe in, and will never believe in, are the one way, the right way, and the only way...
The traditional 12 step model has carried me through a lot of recovery, and I still rely so much on it's principles in my life. Every day starts with an acknowledgement of my absolute need for guidance from the higher power of my understanding and ends with an inventory of my day and an honest look at what could have been different and where I may need to make some amends - along with a profound gratitude that I am going to bed as a completely different individual than I was 10 years ago. I share my story honestly and often in hopes that each person that hears it will find some hope and strength in my experience. I go to a meeting from time to time - and I am never sorry that I went...and I always come out with something that I need and leave something that I don't. Most often, however, I am committed to spending quiet time in meditation...centering myself...checking in with my heart...connecting with a universal, loving energy...staying present in each and every moment, engaging in "Metta" (loving-kindness) practice - sending prayers of love out for people in my life and for the world we live in...and seeking learning experiences that help me to relate to myself and others with more love, compassion, and integrity. This is where I find my serenity...one day, one hour, one minute at a time. It is not always perfect and it may not work for everyone, but it seems to be serving my own recovery well...
I think that the most important thing to remember is this:
Whatever path you are on that best serves and supports your recovery - keep coming back.
It really does work, if you work it.
And on that note...
Thank you for allowing me to share :-)
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